Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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