Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
