Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
