kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
