I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
