What a fucking waste of an outfit
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
