Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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