I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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