You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
