where does the pee come out of this thing
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
