Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's never too late to be topless.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
