I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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