There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
