I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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