Please, let me fuck your mom
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
