whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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