Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
