And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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