I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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