when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My life is pants optional.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
