If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
