He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
