Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
