You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
