After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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