lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
