Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
