I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
