Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
