I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
