Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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