Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
