Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
