Can i not drive my cunt home
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
