I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
