She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
