ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
