So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bet he comes in French.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
