I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
