i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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