You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
