I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
