You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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