i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
