Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
