so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
