It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
