I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
