just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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