she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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