Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
