i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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