you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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